Be careful with those workplace nicknames

—The latest instalment of a new regular column that long-time Canadian creative Craig Redmond will be writing for our Monday newsletter. Sign up for the newsletter here

I once worked with a guy, let’s call him Dude, who wore a toupee. An ill-fitting cranial accoutrement that screamed taxidermy tragedy more than it did hairpiece. It was like a stuffed rodent perched atop his furrowed brow.

When Dude moved, the rug didn’t. Or when the rug moved, Dude didn’t. We couldn’t quite decipher.

His topical tapestry became utterly all consuming.

So, being the bunch of boorish creative buffoons we were, we decided to give Dude’s head turf a proper name: Squirrel.

And, of course, it was only a matter of time before the aforementioned Dude also became lovingly known by the same designated handle. “If he thinks he’s getting it this week, Squirrel’s nuts.” Bahahahaha!

Of course, we never uttered the Squirrel nickname to anyone outside our own infantile infantry.

Until that one fateful day.

During a typically overpopulated creative presentation, I was dutifully fielding questions when I noticed Dude aggressively raising his hand in the corner.

Without a pause, I accidentally acknowledged him: “Yes, Squirrel?”

One look at this spot, and you’ll agree there aren’t enough nuts and nougat in the world to bury yourself under when it comes to tragically comedic moments like these.

Perhaps that why they’re called Snickers 😉

Craig Redmond is a creative leader with Palmer Stamnes and Co, an independent family of marketing communication companies.