The pandemic has meant that many Canadians haven’t eaten on a patio in a long time. Boston Pizza thinks all that time away has caused our once finely tuned patio skills to atrophy.

That could potentially result in some puzzlement about how to do things that once came to us instinctively, like interact with a server or defend our pint of beer from those pesky patio wasps.

Well, here comes the casual-dining chain to the rescue—thanks to an irreverent and perfectly on-brand campaign from its agency partner John St. The accompanying media buy from UM includes a series of billboards in Toronto and Hamilton.

The casual-dining chain, which has previously brought Canadians the “Pizza Patio Set” and a pizza box specifically designed for eating in bed, has introduced the “Boston Pizza Patio Re-Training Help Centre.”

It’s a 24-hour “hotline” that people can call to receive assistance on everything from interacting with their server to discovering what the “tiny blanket” is on their table (turns out it’s a napkin).

People who call 1-855-BP-HOW-TO (1-855-274-6986) are presented with a robotic voice presenting them with a menu of nine different options.

Pressing 2 provides instructions on how to talk to a server (it’s like talking to another human who’s not a server), while pressing 4 offers tips on transitioning your eyes from the patio to an indoor washroom (simply count to five pepperonis). Pressing 9 presents a list of chairs that cannot be brought to a BP patio, from Adirondack chairs to zero gravity chairs.

So that’s patios sorted. Now, who’s going to step up with help on how to wear non-stretch pants and shirts with buttons?