—It doesn’t matter how good the advertising is, Craig Redmond still has no appetite for food delivery apps.—
When it comes to the newfound religion of food delivery worship, I’m an infidel. In fact, I might be one of the few remaining morsels of humanity who has never downloaded a skipthedishesgrubhubdoordashubereatsfoodorachownowdeliveroo app.
And it’s not because I’m some kind of analogue, luddite anti-adapter. It’s just that ever since the legions of gig-working food fairies were unleashed en masse at the beginning of the contagion, I’ve found the phenomenon utterly unappetizing.
The thought of my meal being strapped to the sweaty back of someone on an electric scooter, making its way through stinky city gridlock and being handed to me, lukewarm, in return for a ransom paid to a massive corporation that tosses a few shekels to the scooter soldiers and restaurants held hostage by their algorithmic cartel, just leaves me feeling, I don’t know, not very peckish.
But many of you obviously don’t agree.
Food delivery has also witnessed a market war like few other industries in recent history. Start-ups sprouted like mould on artisanal bread. Hostile takeovers and mergers ensued. And fierce competition for share of mind and mouth has inspired some of the best work from our own industry these past few years.
In our backyard, we’ve welcomed honourary Canadian Jon Hamm and his lovable valet Brandon to put out a consistently delicious comedic spread for Skip the Dishes.
Uber Eats has fed us a steady diet of order-in personal penchants, pitting the likes of intergalactic rivals Mark Hamill against Patrick Stewart, and Olympian Simone Biles versus Queer Eye’s Jonathan Van Ness.
And now, the U.K.’s Deliveroo is delighting our creative palettes with a healthy helping of charm and choice from London creative agency Pablo. In this case, serving up a smörgåsbord of delivery options seasoned with two simple ingredients: Garlic or lemon.
All that said, my appetite remains unwhetted. I think I’ll still just make myself a less sweaty, less lukewarm, and less extortionate grilled cheese sandwich.
But bon appetite to the other 99.9% of all y’all.