—Britain’s advertising Super Bowl—aka, Christmas—is about to get underway. And while he’s no Scrooge, Craig Redmond isn’t ready for it yet—
‘Tis the season. That time of year when our friends across the pond get all prematurely presumptuous and begin to inundate our interwebs with a flurry of festive frivolity.
Literally seconds after the final stroke of midnight signals farewell to another Hallows Eve, the styrofoam snowflakes begin to fall, sugarplums overly shellacked by food stylists start to appear, and rosy cheeked children, wilting under studio lights and sucking on ice cubes to make their breath appear frosty, gather round the artificial evergreens and courageously summon their chirpiest yuletide cheer.
As it is annually dubbed, this is the U.K.’s Super Bowl for advertisers, as they roll out their holiday commercials and compete to see who can yank those heart strings the hardest and levitate those throat lumps the highest.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I eat that stuff up like Christmas pudding just as voraciously as the rest of y’all. And it’s only a matter of time before the next John Lewis holiday epic has me melting like a yuletide log placed too close to the hearth, or Sainsbury’s has me gnawing on my knuckles dreaming of a Christmas day spread bought by a repentant Ebenezer Scrooge.
Yet with each passing year, that British bounty of sweetness seems to get delivered earlier and earlier. Yes, of course, they’re trying to beat each other to the punch (bowl). But I, for one, aren’t quite ready to receive my tidings of comfort and joy just yet.
So, rather than wade into the waves of emotional emojis sure to flood our shores, loving or loathing this year’s Seasons Greetings from every single British brand, I’m going to practice a little pre-seasonal advertising abstinence and share something entirely different.
Some randomly fun stuff, just for shits and giggles.
Island’s Edge—It’s Better, Less Bitter
First, from the greenest reaches of the Emerald Isle, a charming spot for Island’s Edge, which I’m gathering is just a smidge less bitter than the darkest and bitterest stouts commonly imbibed in Ireland. As is attested to by an ensemble cast of pub regulars who should be truly embittered, but, thanks to their beloved beer, prove sweetly contented.
Legal Shield—Some Laws are Stupid
Then comes a funny little campaign from a category where you’d least expect it. No imposing family portrait of serious lawyers crossing their arms like they mean business here. Nope. Just a beaver joyriding with his fauna friends, and hip-hopping Sasquatches keeping their neighbours up at night. I think I’d get a LegalShield retainer for $32.95 a month just to hear them tell jokes, judiciously.
And finally, a cute little campaign for Postmates, yet another food delivery app out of the U.S. It uses the not unfamiliar “insert product here to intervene in an awkward moment” formula. But in this case, suggests that a timely Postmates delivery could have changed the course of history as we know it. I love the “school play budget” set design and wonderfully corny dialogue. I literally guffawed out loud at lines like “Et tu, Brute” and “Oh we gonna be pillagin’!”
Anyway, I hope these will give you a moment’s respite from all the gushingly heartfelt feels thrust upon you in the coming days, with the annual 60-day Christmas Day parade of maudlin marketing arriving from Britain.
I know I’m going to keep them bookmarked for the next few weeks, anyway. Like my emergency Noel Naloxone to be administered every time I feel a Christmas overdose coming on. Happy Tis-Not-Yet-The-Season everyone.